I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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