I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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