I could make wine with my vomit
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
