I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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