dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
