2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
