she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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