So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
