so explain again why im purple
no
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
