please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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