Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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