there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
