First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
