were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
