oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
