i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
