Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
