I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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