Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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