i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
