i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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