Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
