I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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