so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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