Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I skipped work to stalk him.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
