i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
