just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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