the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dicks are not precious.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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