when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
