Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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