whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize