thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
