Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
