I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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