So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
