He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
