Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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