Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
