1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
