It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
