The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
