what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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