My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
