Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
