EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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