fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
