I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Found your dick twin last night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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