OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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