I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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