I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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