apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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