wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you had me at cake vodka
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
