Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
