she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
