So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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