Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
