I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
