so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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