Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
