the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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