My friends, they love my intelligence
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have so many feelings about this burrito
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
