she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
