things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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