like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
