He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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