But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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