Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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