woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
