I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
