we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
