i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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